Letter to God

Dear God,

I watched a movie a couple weeks ago about a young boy who prayed by writing letters to you. I'm struggling a little bit right now and I have so many things on my mind and I feel like I can't seem to articulate them very well. So I thought maybe it would be easier to just use a letter format, like in the movie.

As you know, we made an offer on a house a few days ago, a house that after weeks of looking, Frank and I both agreed it would make a great home for our family. I was nervous that day, hoping for the best, not wanting to think much about the worst. Do you remember my prayer to you that day? I asked for your will to be done. It was an easy thing to pray at the time because I really hoped that your will would be the same as mine. I had faith that if this was the right thing, it would work out. But I think deep down I really did know that it wouldn't be the same. The moment I made that realization, when I got the call that the seller wasn't going to budge, I was a little disappointed. I tried to stay cool about it, and keep my emotions out of it. And I told you over and over that I was ok with it. But how does a woman like myself keep emotions out of this type of home-buying process?

Everyone says that now is the time to buy a house, with the low interest rates and all. Sure, there are plenty of good buys out there. There are plenty of houses that we could make work. But it has to be right. It has to FEEL right. Doesn't it?

I wish I knew what your plan is for me. Sometimes I feel like I catch a glimpse, but most times I'm really just feeling around in the dark, waiting for you to open a door that will show me the direction I should take next. I feel like I have more faith in my life now more than ever before. Sometimes I do think I can hear what you're saying, but sometimes I just choose not to listen, and I go my own way. Isn't that the freedom you've given me? I want to obey. I really do. It's so easy to think about what I should be doing, what I think you would want me to do, but it's so much harder to act on it, especially if it's not exactly what I have in mind.

I think I know the reason this house didn't work out. Maybe it's not the right time. Or not the right house. Or, is it because you have something better in mind? How long do I have to search? How long do I have to wait?

I guess for now I'll just continue to have faith. You know what you're doing, you've made that quite clear in the past. And your plan is always much better and a whole lot more perfect than mine. I guess that's all for now.

Love,
Me