A Lesson in Faith

Back in January I wrote about a new year's resolution of sorts, a word that I decided to try to guide my life, my thoughts, my actions, and my reactions... faith. There were a few different words at the time that kept coming to my mind, but "faith" just stuck with me. I wasn't sure why, because I felt that I already had a pretty strong faith and I wondered what else God could possibly teach me about it. Maybe He would test it in some way? I supposed I would just go with it and find out.

The first few months of this year I didn't really feel like I was growing in faith at all and I wondered if I had chosen the right word. But in the past month or so, it's become much clearer. I realized that I didn't have as stong of a faith as I thought I did. I had what I would call a hopeful faith, a wishful faith. When I would pray, I would hope for God to answer. I wished God would answer. I knew He had the power to answer. But I didn't expect Him to answer. I didn't really trust Him as much as I thought I did. I would pray, but still carry the burdens, feeling like I was still in control, like I still had some sort of responsibility to answer my own prayers through my own actions. Perhaps I was also a bit impatient and didn't really know what it meant to be still and wait.

Through several different circumstances that have occured over the past couple months, God has really taught me that He does have complete control! And in His own perfect time, He does answer! So I've been slowly learning to really "let go, and let God." I know that's sort of a cliche, and it's something I've always tried to live by, but didn't truly know how. He's been teaching me more about faith through my study of Isaiah, and through the devotional I'm reading, "Streams in the Desert." There have been several entries that have helped me to realize what faith really is, one of which I wrote on my facebook page not too long ago. The entry was discussing passive faith versus active faith:

"Active faith gives thanks for a promise even though it is not yet performed, knowing that God's contracts are as good as cash." - Matthew Henry

That was something I'd never considered before... thanking God for a promise, for an answer, even before I receive it? Before I'm even able to see it and experience it??? It was at that moment that I realized my faith has been quite passive. And I had to make a decision. Am I going to continue to be passive in my faith, or active? When I make a request going forward, am I going to trust God completely, and give him thanks for His answers and promises at the same time as I make the request? This is a different concept for me, thanking God for something I have yet to receive, knowing and trusting 100% that He will come through in His own perfect way and time.

This past weekend was Emmaus Sunday, and as a deacon of the church it was my responsibility to coordinate the brunch following the service. Well, time just flew by and this day totally crept up on me. At the beginning of last week, I started to get so overwhelmed! I hadn't done anything to plan or prepare! The church would provide soup, but we needed people to make sandwiches, enough for an entire congregation! I had never planned a meal for that many people before. I had no idea what I was doing. I should have been planning weeks ahead of time, having sign-up sheets out. But here I was, 5 days before the event, and I had nothing. And so of course I started to doubt myself, and apparently doubting God in the process.

I started questioning, "What sort of deacon am I? God, are you sure you've placed me in the right position?" One particular night I just cried and doubted and felt like a complete failure. The next morning, I talked to the other deacon who was in charge of this brunch with me, and he was so calm about it, and he told me, "Hey, God will provide. Everything will be fine." After that I did feel some peace about it and realized, yeah, perhaps He will. I did make a few phone calls and an email was sent out asking people to help make the sandwiches, but we didn't get much response and several people I called weren't home. Again, I started to get a little nervous, but the words came back to me, "God will provide." And I went ahead and said my prayer of thanks.

That Sunday morning I arrived at church at 8:30 to start preparing the soups. As it got closer to the start of the service, people started trickling into the kitchen with platters of sandwiches. Before long, the fridge was completely full! I couldn't believe it! I was just in complete amazement at how food just started appearing! In addition, we had leftover food from a funeral reception the day before. As I started getting all of the sandwiches out and ready and placed everything on the table, I could barely fit it all, there was so much! And to think I was worried that it wouldn't be enough!

At some point in the middle of the bruch, my co-coordinator came up to me, pointed to the table of food, and whispered, "This is what happens when God provides." Um, yeah, you can say that again! And we joked that the lesson for that day should have been how Jesus feeds 5,000. We had more than enough, and plenty leftover for the youth group that evening, and some for the local shelter.

Wow. I suppose I chose the right word afterall, or God chose the word for me, because apparently He had some things to teach me about it. I'm expecting there will be more lessons to come.