I wish I could walk into every day the way that I did on Monday... with excitment and anticipation, peace, total acceptance of whatever the day would bring, and complete submission. Monday was eye-opening, and God taught me something that I've been yearning to know for a long time, but perhaps had just a sliver a fear that stood in my way.
For about a month now, I've been having thoughts of fasting for a day, as in, not eating. I don't know where these thoughts came from... well actually, I know they came from the Holy Spirit because several times lately I've been led to scripture about fasting and how when God's people would fast and pray, God's will would become clear to them. But I guess a more accurate question I had was, "why, God?? Why, now? Why me?" Because of that, and a few fears I had about the idea, I kept putting it off. But I should have known better, because in my past experience, God doesn't take "no" for an answer very lightly, and He keeps prodding.
The last scripture I read that really struck me and made me say, "OK, God. I'll do it," is Matthew 4:4, when Jesus was led into the desert by the Holy Spirit to be tempted by the devil. He had been fasting for 40 days and 40 nights! Seriously?!? I can't even imagine. Anyway, Jesus told the devil:
"It is written: 'Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'"
This is the verse that pushed me forward to accept God's calling, and it's what kept me going all day. And it was amazing. I've fasted many times before a colonoscopy prep, which is one of the reasons why I fought it. Hunger sucks.
The other thing that pushed me forward is that I'd just been feeling a little spiritually disconnected lately and I wanted to reconnect and rejuvenate my spirit, and figured since this was so heavy on my heart, it might be the way to make that happen. So on Sunday I decided that Monday would be the day.
The morning was little bit rough, making breakfast for the kids and preparing their snack mid-morning. I'm the type of person who typically needs to eat breakfast within the first hour of being awake, so by mid-morning I was already famished and wondering how I was ever going to get through it! I was definitely tempted... just a little nibble! One little fishy cracker? But then Matthew 4:4 would come to mind and give me encouragement. I received in those moments a strength that was not my own.
I made a realization at that point, that my desire to obey God's plan for me that day and my desire for spiritual fulfillment was greater than my desire for physical nourishment. Wow. That was something I didn't really expect, although I truly tried not to have any expectations coming into it. I was just open to whatever God wanted to teach me.
I made a few other realizations throughout the day. By afternoon, I realized how much I take food for granted! I just always expect it to be there, and thankfully, it is. But for so many people, it's not there all the time, and my compassion for them grew ten-fold. It's funny that this was the topic of the Sunday school lesson that I taught only the day before, feeding the hungry.
Along with that, I also experienced a much deeper appreciation for my husband, Frank, who works SO HARD every day, who has a great job that provides him the opportunity to put food on our table every day!
As evening set in, it definitely got harder. I was getting REALLY hungry and I was struggling, especially as I prepared dinner for my kids. I wrote in my journal, "I'm starting to really reach up in prayer, asking God to help me though this, asking Him to give me strength and energy to get through the rest of the day, to continue to fight the battle of temptation for me. And I have 100% faith that He will."
My biggest lesson of the day is this: I've always known that God's strength and endurance have been there for me at any time, in any circumstance. All I've had to do is reach up and receive it. But I have to admit, I guess I wasn't really sure HOW to do that, how to get past the habit of relying on my own strength, and the fear of disappointment that comes with the truth of my weaknesses.
But yesterday, I had no choice but to recognize my weakness for what it was. And thoughout the day of fasting, God taught me how to fully accept His mighty strength and power. And to think that Jesus went 40 days and nights without food, relying only on His Heavenly Father's spiritual nourishment! It's totally amazing to me, and I am in awe. But I understand it now.
The dreaded bedtime came. I HATE going to bed hungry. It makes it hard to fall asleep, and I have a hard time falling asleep anyway. But I was committed to continue my fast until the next morning. So again, I reached up in desperation and prayed for God to take my hunger away, and for Him to fullfill that need.... and He did. Within a couple minutes my hunger was totally gone, and I was at peace, ready to complete my "mission."
This morning I fully expected to wake up and be totally famished and ready to "eat a zebra," as my 4-year-old would say. But to my pleasant surprise, I wasn't at all. I was totally fine. n fact, I felt energized, peaceful and rejuvinated!
And most of all, I feel stronger than ever. And I know now how to access that strength. I wish I could experience the spiritual peace and clarity every day like I did yesterday... but of course without the hunger.
