What about me?

While setting up this blog, there's a place on the profile page that states: About Me. I always have a hard time defining this. It's pretty vague. It's like when an interviewer asks you, "Tell me about yourself." I've always hated answering this, and I find myself asking in my mind, "Well, what about me?" There's so many things I could say, and the definition of "Me" is always changing. What do you want to know?

I'm a different person now than I was 5 years ago. And 5 years ago, I was a different person than I was 5 years before that. Where do I see myself in 5 years? An impossible question for me to answer. Based on my experience of the past 3 and a half years, I could be just about anywhere! How I would describe myself may be different than how others would describe me. I would use words like Christian, mother, wife, compassionate, kind, warm-hearted. Those are all things that would make me look good to others. And I am all those things, but sometimes I can also be impatient, controlling and selfish. Of course God sees these things in me much more often than anyone else.

One thing I am striving to be now more than anything else is Real. My husband Frank has always said, "I am who I am, green eggs and ham." On the outside, green eggs and ham can be a little bit scary, and may not look so appetizing. But once you taste it... mmmmm... it really is good (and it actually tastes exactly the same as if it weren't green, because food coloring has no flavor). But seriously, I am who I am. Like it or not.

I haven't always been Real. When the concept was first introduced to me, it made a lot of sense, but it was a little scary at the same time. To be real with people, you have to let your guard down and be vulnerable. You risk criticism and judgement. But at the same time, it's the only way to go deeper. As I've gone deeper, I've been able to really experience relationships and the support and love that you feel from those who you share your true self with. Snorkling on the surface of the water is fun and all, but get down a little deeper and you'll see some really cool stuff! Isn't that where most of the treasures are found? Down at the bottom, buried in the sand?

I remember the first interview that I answered questions completely honestly, instead of answering them the way I should, saying what they would want to hear. I remember her asking me what my previous boss would say about how often I arrive to work on time. I think by this point in the interview I had doubts about this job being right for me, and was not sure she was the type of person I would be happy working for, and I answered something like, "Most of my jobs have been pretty laid back in that respect, and if I arrive a little bit late I always work a little bit late to make up for it, but I am on time when I need to be." She responded that in this position, it's imperative that I arrive on time every day. I think that is the point in the interview when she realized I was not the right person for the job. I walked out to my car chuckling a little bit to myself that I had been so brutally honest. But looking back, if I hadn't been, I probably would have ended up unhappy in a job that wasn't right for me. On my way home that day I dropped my resume off at the hospital. The interview went great, and I did get the job. I did manage to be on time just about every day, and it was the most rewarding job I've ever had. Well, not quite as rewarding as my current job as a stay-home mom :)

Anyway, I know I got off subject a little bit, I do that sometimes. I guess I'm still in the process of defining who I am. My story is still unfolding. The pages are still being written. And if I'm as real as I can be throughout this journey, then what I see in myself, what others sees in me, and what God sees, will all be the same.